Open Letter to DJ Jazzy Jeff

To: Jeff Townes
From: Murderator

Wednesday July 25, 2007

Dear Mr. Townes,

Loyal Murderation readers (both of them) know about my man-crush on Will Smith. I'm an unabashed fan of your early work with the Fresh Prince, right up through Home Base. However, I must insist that you publicly apologize for the travesty that is "Brand New Funk 2k7". I consider it a personal affront that you would butcher that classic track - one of my all-time favorite hip-hop joints ever - by allowing that mediocre Peedi Crakk to sully it with his uninspired, clip-art lyrics. I realize he's reppin' Philly and all, but come on, man.

"Brand New Funk" didn't need updating for 2k7. The original, along with other Jeff 'n' Prince classics like "Summertime", holds up even now, almost two decades later. Hopefully, this was simply a lapse in judgment, and we won't see repeats of this kind of behavior in the future.

Yours Sincerely,

Murderator

Jeff and Dwayne: The Jackassery Continues

Ja and Weezy were both arrested last night on separate weapons charges here in NYC. Now, to be fair, we all know about the NYPD's notorious hip-hop cops who make a point of going after rappers, but if Jeff wasn't speeding around the Upper West Side, and if Dwayne wasn't hittin' the piff on the street, the hip-hop cops wouldn't have had a reason to stop them and discover their illegal weapons in the first place, would they?

ZOMG!!!!1! Hip-Hop Internet-speak SUXX! LMAO!!!!!1!!!

I'm not a fan of "733t" speak, or 13-year old IM talk. Yeah, I occasionally use terms like "brb", "afk" and even the dreaded "lol" in my emails/IM's, but that's about the extent of it. But lately, I find myself having less and less of a tolerance for the unique blend of IM-speak and Ebonics that is common in the comments left on music sites and blogs by hip-hop fans.

For instance, on the social networking music site iLike, -x-HOTTIE-x- says:

hip hop and r&b are great babii if u dnt lkike it ur trippin well i do hip hop and street dancing so holla at me lool ( p.s all fit boi 'r' allowed ) come to mama

WTF does that even mean? Effin' lil' retards... never mind expressing yourselves in actual full sentences and completing the occasional coherent thought -- would it kill you to put in the extra effort to sprinkle in a couple of vowels, thereby producing real actual English words in your posts? Do you even know what "thereby" means? You know you'll never get a real job, right?

Okay, I know I'm being a little harsh. It's just that I find it somewhat ironic that despite all of the educational opportunities the internet has opened up for everyone; in spite of the fact that anyone can now be a self-published writer with a potential audience of billions, people are instead getting lazier and lazier, and are using the casual nature of email, instant messaging, forums, etc. as an excuse for pitiful, sloppy writing.

Of course, this is all IMHO.

Remy Ma: I Look Way too Good to be Innocent

Oh no she didn't! Remy Ma a/k/a Shesus Christ is wanted in connection with a shooting that occurred last night in New York City's West Village. Apparently there was a confrontation, and a 23-year old woman ended up with a gunshot wound in her abdomen. Remy and her crew fled the scene on foot after crashing their SUV.

Now, really - I wonder what this woman could have said to Shesus that warranted a bullet to the gut. And we all know how she got in the club with the gun, right? She, um, walked around the metal detectors.

Fried Chicken Fingerprint Leads to Alleged Cop Shooter's Arrest

I don't quite know what to make of this: one of the three dudes accused of shooting 2 of NYPD's finest is busted because of a fingerprint found on a bucket of fried chicken that was left in the stolen vehicle used in the shooting.

Damn, homie - how many stereotypes are you trying to exemplify at one time?

BET Awards

I watched the BET Awards tonight. Well, just the last half-hour - through my fingers. What I saw wasn't was scary as I expected - in fact, Don Cheadle was as dignified as one would expect him to be. On the other hand, watching Ciara's performance made me wonder why we gave Milli Vanilli and even Ashlee Simpson such a hard time.

The part that made me a little sad, though, was Public Enemy's performance. I thought about all that P.E. stands for - making a statement; "Fight the Power"; the way the system has failed poor people, etc. And as I watched the shots of the audience dancing and singing along, I couldn't help but think that it was a completely empty gesture. Most of the new popular artists among them had gotten so rich making songs about nothing. Lil' Wayne and Birdman? Ciara (sorry for picking on her so much)? Beyoncé? Ok, fine she made a song for the "independent women" who need their bills, bills, bills taken care of. You see where I'm going with this...

I'm also still struggling with how Chuck can reconcile himself with the spectacle that Flav has made himself - maybe I'll head over to the Terrordome and see what he's written about it.